9 'Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt' Food Moments to Chew on Before You Binge Season Four
Season three was the most delicious yet.
The first six episodes of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt season four will become available on Netflix on Wednesday, May 30 and we cannot wait. Though we were crushed to learn this will be the last season of Kimmy and Titus tag teaming, Jacqueline scheming and Lillian outbursting, we adore these characters so much that we just rewatched season three. The series is so jam-packed and so clever that you have to listen closely to catch all the zingers. We also picked up on some pretty epic food jokes that are worth highlighting. Here are nine sharp, witty food moments from the third season of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt to get you excited for the final brand new episodes.
Season 3 Episode 1 “Kimmy Gets Divorced?!”
In the first episode of the third season, Reverend Richard Wayne Gary Wayne keeps calling Kimmy from jail asking her to sign divorce papers. With misled guidance from Jacqueline, Kimmy tortures the Reverend by making him wait. During one of the pleading phone calls, Kimmy tries to taunt the Reverend. “Mmmmm, now I’m eating pizza,” she says while pretending to chew. “How’s the pizza in prison?” she asks. “Surprisingly authentic,” the Reverend retorts, to which Kimmy yells, “Yeah, well it’s good here, too!”
Season 3 Episode 2 “Kimmy’s Roommate Lemonades!”
When Titus sees Mikey with another guy, he does “what any reasonable person would do in this situation.” That means he’s “Lemonading,” which means he’s processing his anger by performing his version of Beyoncé’s album Lemonade. It’s full of food references. He reenacts the “Hold Up” video and dons a yellow frilly dress as he smashes items along the street with a baseball bat. Lyrics include, “Something don't taste right, ‘cause it ain't right, like when you take a sip of water and it turns out to be Sprite,” and he refers to Mikey as “Meatball.” In his “Sorry” segment, he raps, “His heaven will be a grand piano full of baked potatoes.” And in his “All Night” rendition, he sings “I loved you like a Patti LaBelle pie, so sweet and flaky I could cry,” and “Run from the dentist cause hell no you're not eating zoodles.”
Season 3 Episode 3 “Kimmy Can’t Help You!”
Titus is still getting over his breakup with Mikey, so he is having “spa time” on the couch. That includes watching “Sad Sack TV: Random Stuff from the 70s” with an eye mask covering his eyes while drinking America’s Second Choice Spaghetti Sauce straight from the jar. Everyone has their own grief coping techniques. Then, the Reverend’s fiancée shows up with Kimmy’s divorce papers saying that they want them signed by Thursday so they can get married on fried chicken night, because though the Reverend “hates fried chicken, he loves the sides.” Later, Titus gives his jar of spaghetti sauce to the Reverend’s fiancée for a snack for her ride home.
Season 3 Episode 5 “Kimmy Steps on a Crack!”
When Titus gets sick, one of his main symptoms is a rash. “I was hoping it was just some jelly, despite several taste tests indicating it is not,” he says. When he and Lillian go to the library to use a computer, they discover he has scurvy, “an old pirates’ disease that comes from not eating enough fruits and vegetables.” “Fruits and vegetables? That sounds like a whole wing of a 1950s insane asylum,” Titus says. He and Lillian go to a store to get him some vitamin C and they pull out a Stouffer’s French Bread Salad out of the frozen case. The only ingredient is “chunks.” Lillian thinks the store has oranges, but realizes they’re actually Garfield heads. “Is it weird that we have to buy our food from a store that also sells Jason masks and loose hamsters?”
Season 3 Episode 8 “Kimmy Does a Puzzle!”
After many episodes of mystery, we learn that Titus thinks he ate “five-time Grammy winner and one-time Whitney Houston cousin” Dionne Warwick. After poisoning her baby corns with hot tub water, he escapes the cruise ship on a lifeboat and hallucinates consuming this woman because he is so starving while at sea.
Season 3 Episode 9 “Kimmy Goes to Church!”
In a quintessential Jacqueline moment, we see her rubbing a stick of butter on her feet. She tries to grease them up to squeeze into tiny, red-soled high heels. When she finally gets her feet in, she’s so lightheaded that she hallucinates Lillian’s boyfriend.
Season 3 Episode 10 “Kimmy Pulls Off a Heist”
Since Kimmy and Titus’ apartment bathroom is just for grooming, Titus always uses the toilet at the gas station. Suddenly, a new owner tells him only customers may use the bathroom. “I’m a customer. I bought a Charleston Chew here in 2007,” Titus says. The owner still makes him buy something. “I was forced to buy gum,” Titus tells Kimmy. “Gum is a lie your mouth tells your stomach.” In order to circumvent these rules, Kimmy buys “child beauty pageant-strength” pixie sticks to get the bathroom key and give it to Titus to make a copy. Eventually, they get found out and banned from the gas station for good.
Season 3 Episode 11 “Kimmy Googles the Internet!”
Kimmy is invited to a dinner party at her professor’s home and thinks she has to fit in with the fancy guests. When she enters, she sees her friend Perry. “Ah, refrigerateur, how lovely to peep you,” she says. He’s not familiar with dinner parties either and is wearing a child’s headband as a bowtie. Her professor’s wife announces that dinner is ready. “If you are allergic to any of the vegetables mentioned in Shakespeare, you will find nothing to your liking,” she says. During the meal she says, “I just checked on the chicken. Dinner is vegan, of course. The chicken is a rescue we’re raising as a child.” And of the food she later says, “Can you believe this tuna tartare is made entirely of cashews? Isn’t it fishy?”
Season 3 Episode 13 “Kimmy Bites an Onion!”
Kimmy aces her crossing guard test, but is rejected from the job because of her marriage to the Reverend. She tells Lillian a heart-wrenching story about when she was a kid, she and her mom heard that vidalia onions were as sweet as apples. They went to Kroger and took bites straight out of the onions in the parking lot, but they just tasted like onions. Kimmy says that the world is like an onion and eventually you have to stop taking bites. It all works out okay for Kimmy because she gets a job at a startup with a former Columbia classmate.