How to Make It
Put cream cheese in a mixer and beat the hell out of it. Really, just go to town. Get it nice and light and fluffy.
Chop up whatever it is you're going to add nice and good. I'm not a fan of big chunks, but I've already messed you around enough, so this is up to you.
Add that stuff to the cream cheese and keep beating it. Then eat (and plan your move to a city that sells Temp Tee).