There’s Basically a Drunk Emoji Now
Ok, sure, "woozy face"
I’ll admit it: I used to be anti-emoji. Pretentious young adult that I was, I strongly believed in the superiority of the written word, refusing to accept that a range of faces and pictorial symbols could articulate the nuances of the human condition. I’ve made an about-face on the subject, in part because the introduction of new emojis over time has made it easier to succinctly convey my emotional state at any given moment in time.
A new emoji set to make its debut on iPhones running iOS 12.1 is no exception. Though described as the “Woozy face,” Emojipedia describes the unicode symbol as a depiction of “a face which may be showing signs of being tired and emotional, i.e. drunk.” I don’t exactly see “tired and emotional” here, but you be the judge.
It is great that we have an emoji that lets the world know when you’ve had one too many. There are a lot of potential use cases that flow from that. For example, send it after a “u up” text to provide a built-in excuse for your behavior the morning after. Add it to the “SunDAy FuNDaY~~ [orange juice emoji] [champagne emoji] [champagne emoji]” caption for that Instagram of you and your sloppy friends after a boozy brunch to really drive the point home. The well of possibilities is as bottomless as those mimosas were.
While it’s nowhere near the abomination that the original bagel emoji was, I’m still not sure if Apple’s attempt at “tired and emotional” hits the mark. It does feel applicable to the various stages of a drunken and debauched night out, though. It captures the look of a clumsily-attempted wink at a potential suitor from across the bar. It’s the face of someone trying to keep it cool after a fourth shot of Fireball, and, subsequently, encapsulates an impassioned and desperate plea for another drink from the bartender who’s cutting you off.
So next time you’re night out starts to get a little hazy, don’t waste your time firing off typo-laden texts to the ex you haven’t spoken to in three years. Apple’s “woozy” emoji is worth a thousand slurred words.